I opened those 2 clear plastic boxes, those tiny little handmade Marionette faces smiling back at me. They were a gift from my husband on my 30th Birthday. A memento from a video we made, called "Marionette". Much love was put into that 3 minute and 30 second piece and very little love was given to us as were were quickly discarded by our record label before the video even came out. We financed that video with money we didn't have, and released it quietly hoping to draw some attention to the beautiful record we had made, and put out in the aftermath of losing our deal & our courage.
So, in a haste…I passed the little boxes off to my sisters house after my birthday to reside, because I had nowhere to "display" them. She brought them back to me a few months ago when we moved into our new home and they have been sitting, waiting, patiently in those clear plastic boxes in a closet in my basement. Until I opened them last Thursday.
I was so excited. My husband and I purchased a new home. A place to raise our sweet little daughter. And last Thursday was THE day for me. The day my talented interior design friend was to come over and decorate my writing room! Give me a haven, and a place to create and return emails, strategize for our new band MENA and think. A room in my house full of toys, of my own. I was happy. I was ecstatic! Until I opened the marionettes. Those tiny faces, looked up at me and took me back 5 years. Reminding me of how much I loved that record. And how hard I took it when nothing happened with it. And I just sat there, and cried like a baby. I mean, couldn't stop myself. I am happy no one was in sight!
It's been years. I am healthy, I have a lovely family, I literally have no complaints in life but there I sat heartbroken over 2 marionettes. Who symbolized everything I had worked for and then lost. Everything I thought I had made peace with. Trusted God with. Laid it at the feet of Jesus.
When Leah and I were talking about what to call this blog, I had this verse on my mind. Consider the Lilies. What does that mean? So we looked it up.
"Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; but I tell you, not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.
"But if God so clothes the grass in the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, how much more will He clothe you? You men of little faith!… Matthew 6:27-28
What it means to me is this: There are these beautiful flowers. Gorgeous and growing in the fields. Waving in the wind. Never worrying about where they will get their sunlight. How they will continue to grow. Just being themselves. Clothed in beauty. Being all they were created to be. Not worrying about tomorrow. Just peaceful and trusting in their creator in his purpose for today. If God takes care of FLOWERS this much… how much MORE does he desire to take care of us. In our beauty, in our worry, in our sorrow, in our happiness.
So Thursday, after I dried my tears and wept for what might've been... I prayed. And then I realized something. I don't wanna be there anymore. I wouldn't trade my present for my past any day of the week. And even when it is so tempting to revel in the pains and even the joys of yesterday…. I have to consider the lilies. Knowing that I am in the center of God's perfect will, firmly planted right where I am supposed to be. And wholeheartedly grateful for where I have been, and the woman God has allowed all those incredible experiences to make me.
The Marionettes are displayed right where I can see them, everyday. I'm proud to say I only smile now when I see them :)